×

Content Warning


Many of these poems were written in a state of mental distress as an outlet. Some contain themes of self-destructive mindsets that could be disturbing. Please do not read if you believe they could negatively affect your mental health.

.                                       .     .



.

. .



.

.



.             .       .                         .
.              .          .
.                 .

.



.    .     .     .      .            .             .
.        .      .  .       .        .          .       .            .        
..
..

. .
.  .          ..            .
.
.
.   .        .          .                  .      .
             .           .                ..

. .                              .
.  .  .  ..        .    .
.
.
.   .        .      .    .                  .      .
             .           .                ..

. .            .                  .
.  .  .  ..        .    .


         .   .        .      .    .       .           .      .
             .           .                ..

. .            .                  .
.  .  .  ..        .    .


         .   .        .      .    .       .           .      .
             .           .                ..

. .            .      
            .
.  .  .  ..  
      .    .


         .   .        .      .    .       .           .      .
        
     .           .                ..

                     

. .         
   .   
         
      .
.  .  .  ..   
     .    .


         .   .        .   
   .    .       .        
   .      .
             .        
   .                ..

    Here are some poems I have written over the years, as well as a collection of other poets/quotes which have inspired me. It should be obvious but I do not give permission for AI to be trained off of any of my writing here.

Other Poets

One of the things I treasure most is the way words affect me. It’s something that shapes my being – words, mine, others. Here are some of the poems that made me think and repeat for years.

(written the way my father, grandfather, and great grandfather would speak it)

AWAKE! for Morning in the Bowl of Night
Has cast the Stone that puts the Stars to Flight:
And Lo! the Hunter of the East has caught
The Sultan's Turret in a Noose of Light.

Dreaming when Dawn's Left Hand was in the Sky
I heard a Voice within the Tavern cry,
"Awake, my Little ones, and fill the Cup
Before Life's Liquor in its Cup be dry."

I remember, I remember,
The house where I was born,
The little window where the sun
Came peeping in at morn;

He never came a wink too soon,
Nor brought too long a day,
But now, I often wish the night
Had borne my breath away!

I remember, I remember,
The roses, red and white,
The vi'lets, and the lily-cups,
Those flowers made of light!
The lilacs where the robin built,
And where my brother set
The laburnum on his birthday,—
The tree is living yet!

I remember, I remember,
Where I was used to swing,
And thought the air must rush as fresh
To swallows on the wing;
My spirit flew in feathers then,
That is so heavy now,
And summer pools could hardly cool
The fever on my brow!

I remember, I remember,
The fir trees dark and high;
I used to think their slender tops
Were close against the sky:
It was a childish ignorance,
But now 'tis little joy
To know I'm farther off from heav'n
Than when I was a boy.

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

A Clock stopped -
Not the Mantel's -
Geneva's farthest skill
Can't put the puppet bowing
That just now dangled still -

An awe came on the Trinket!
The Figures hunched -with pain -
Then quivered out of Decimals -
Into Degreeless noon -

It will not stir for Doctors -
This Pendulum of snow -
The Shopman importunes it -
While cool - concernless No

Nods from the Gilded pointers -
Nods from Seconds slim -
Decades of Arrogance between
The Dial life -
And Him.

Pile the bodies high at Austerlitz and Waterloo.
Shovel them under and let me work—
I am the grass; I cover all.
And pile them high at Gettysburg
And pile them high at Ypres and Verdun.
Shovel them under and let me work.
Two years, ten years, and passengers ask the conductor:
What place is this?
Where are we now?
I am the grass.
Let me work.

And when they bombed other people’s houses, we
protested
but not enough, we opposed them but not
enough. I was
in my bed, around my bed America
was falling: invisible house by invisible house by invisible house.
I took a chair outside and watched the sun.
In the sixth month
of a disastrous reign in the house of money
in the street of money in the city of money in the country of money,
our great country of money, we (forgive us)
lived happily during the war.

The whole anthology is filled with gorgeous poetry, but here are some of my favourite lines:

When Moses broke the sacred tablets on Sinai, the rich picked the pieces carved with: “adultery” and “kill” and “theft,”
The poor got only “No” “No” “No.” - American Tourist

We lived north of the future, days opened
letters with a child’s signature, a raspberry, a page of sky.
My grandmother threw tomatoes
from her balcony, she pulled imagination like a blanket
over my head. I painted
my mother’s face. She understood
loneliness, hid the dead in the earth like partisans.
The night undressed us (I counted
its pulse) my mother danced, she filled the past
with peaches, casseroles. At this, my doctor laughed, his granddaughter
touched my eyelid—I kissed
the back of her knee. The city trembled,
a ghost-ship setting sail.
And my classmate invented twenty names for Jew.
He was an angel, he had no name,
we wrestled, yes. My grandfathers fought
the German tanks on tractors, I kept a suitcase full
of Brodsky’s poems. The city trembled,
a ghost-ship setting sail.
At night, I woke to whisper: yes, we lived.
We lived, yes, don’t say it was a dream.
At the local factory, my father
took a handful of snow, put it in my mouth.
The sun began a routine narration,
whitening their bodies: mother, father dancing, moving
as the darkness spoke behind them.
It was April. The sun washed the balconies, April.
I retell the story the light etches
into my hand: Little book, go to the city without me. - Dancing in Odessa

“You will die on a boat from Yalta to Odessa”
— a fortune teller, 1992
What ties me to this earth? In Massachusetts,
the birds force themselves into my lines—
the sea repeats itself, repeats, repeats.
I bless the boat from Yalta to Odessa
and bless each passenger, his bones, his genitals,
bless the sky inside his body,
the sky my medicine, the sky my country.
I bless the continent of gulls, the argument of their order.
The wind, my master
insists on the joy of poplars, swallows, —
bless one woman’s brows, her lips
and their salt, bless the roundness
of her shoulder. Her face, a lantern
by which I live my life.
You can see us, Lord, she is a woman dancing with her eyes closed
and I am a man arguing with this woman
among nightstands and tables and chairs.
Lord, give us what you have already given. - Envoi

Time, my twin, take me by the hand
Through the streets of your city;
My days, your pigeons, are fighting for crumbs - Praise


Driving, dogs barking, how you get used to it, how you make
                            the new streets yours.
Trees outside the window and a big band sound that makes you feel like
     everything's okay,
  a feeling that lasts for one song maybe,
                 the parentheses all clicking shut behind you.
          The way we move through time and space, or only time.
The way it's night for many miles, and then suddenly
                                     it's not, it's breakfast
   and you're standing in the shower for over an hour,
                   holding the bar of soap up to the light.
I will keep watch. I will water the yard.
      Knot the tie and go to work. Unknot the tie and go to sleep.
                            I sleep. I dream. I make up things
   that I would never say. I say them very quietly.
                      The trees in wind, the streetlights on,
          the click and flash of cigarettes
being smoked on the lawn, and just a little kiss before we say goodnight.
      It spins like a wheel inside you: green yellow, green blue,
                                  green beautiful green.
   It's simple: it isn't over, it's just begun. It's green. It's still green.

Farewell to the Highlands, farewell to the north,
The birth-place of Valour, the country of Worth;
Wherever I wander, wherever I rove,
The hills of the Highlands for ever I love.

My heart’s in the Highlands, my heart is not here;
My heart’s in the Highlands, a-chasing the deer;
A-chasing the wild-deer and following the roe,
My heart’s in the Highlands, wherever I go.
Farewell to the mountains high-cover’d with snow;
Farewell to the straths and green vallies below;
Farewell to the forests and wild-hanging woods;
Farewell to the torrents and loud-pouring floods.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

My Poetry

Back Home

These have been written over the past four years. They vary in quality and encompass all stages of my teenage angst, but I'm quite attached to the esoteric emotional value they describe.

Somewhere out there, there is a cavewoman.
She lies, on the brink of sleep, teetering over the edge as bleary heavy lidded eyes close to block out the dim twinkling of the stars above.
It is a quiet night and she sleeps on her side, feeling the weight of her family by her and hearing nothing but the comforting, sleepy whoosh of furs drawn tighter over her loved ones.
She hears her heart, then. A steady beating in her ear closest to the ground, a thumping from deep within. She doesn't know what this is, but she does not ponder it. Somehow, she knows she is safe.
She knows she is alive.

Overreacting, underperforming
Now even sleep is painful and boring
Thinking of death, heart pumping hyper
Overthinking, no follow through
Overthrow logic, quick like a viper
Stuck in the same old patterns like glue.

tiny
inconsiderable
inconsiderate
a series of complicated syllables wrapped in spools of complicated bedsheets wrapped in noise of airplanes and winds and people on the street.
a series of syllables flying through a series of synapses, inconsequential, inconsiderable
inconsiderate until words lose meaning, second guess self second guess thoughts second guess spelling second guess words
words that spill and pool hatred, embarrassment, nothing at all, spun and twisted like bedsheets, whirl of day in thrush of night mind
is that a real word? am I real?
am I considerable?
I am most definitely inconsiderate.

Ephemeral is so close to ethereal,
I thought them the same, once,
For snapshots of time, snippets of film unwound
To be closest to heaven feels cruel.
Memories short grow ever shorter
Stars are small, blink out one by one
As I grow I teeter and topple towards the sky,
It isn’t quite as big as it was before,
It feels like hubris to look for more
Than a fleeting second.
Tiptoes of child pad on wooden floors and the
Clatter of geese in a V overhead are all
That remains of the ethereal in me
Angels gathered in the healed scabs on my knees
And nestled within freckles
From younger, sunnier days.

Do I hate myself?
Yes, instant.
No, because hatred is cruel –
Not to me, now, this moment, this time,
But to her –
Schoolgirl she who cries at songs and writes poems,
She the bug-collector, nail-biter, odd little girl,
She with gaps where her molars should be and sharp canines,
She with nine-year-old knees scabbed and scarred and pride within them,
She who comes alive in dappled woods, abandoned places, windy nights,
She unafraid to be alone, she in her own mind, she with no pennies for her thoughts, she who never tells a soul,
She who lies, she who feels guilt like her mother’s quilt heavy over shoulders,
She who climbs trees and is scared to die in her sleep, is scared of monsters, is scared of electricity, is scared of gaps between the train and the platform, is scared of herself.
She who I cannot hate.
No, instant.
But, at the instant – yes.

Some days, I am more animal than human.
An oxymoron. Humans are just as animal as all the others. The only ones who insist otherwise believe that our intelligence makes us superior.
Gods who look down upon the rest.
But are gods not meant to be all loving?
And at the same time, divine creation is not a gift we possess. We take and take from ourselves and others. We destroy in a way that could almost be divine - a biblical hell of fumes and plagues and pain.
I digress.
I am more animal than human. The animal that we wrangled into a cage long, long ago. I am reminiscent of wolves biting their legs off to escape from traps, howling at the moon as if it offers some escape. Quiet as a cat on tip-toes that flex into imaginary claws when I stretch, each vertebrae in my spine yearning for treetops and swinging and sky. A throat that burbles and vibrates a call which no one responds to, the last bird in a species made to sing in pairs.
I hurt desperately, like my blood will paint the snow for some hunter to track and finish me off, and I hope that my remains will feed his family in the winter.
I buzz frantically at night like a moth at a lamp, this is my salvation, this is my answer, why does it hurt me?
I know nothing at all and I am one of the lucky ones, domesticated and fed by divine beings who destroy and destroy.

Felt like a lost childhood toy, a word on the tip of my tongue,
What I am now is wrong,
this slip, trip, stumble to insanity,
This numbness of mind and skin,
This loss of time, this loss of vanity,
Memories could come from yesterday or a year ago
I do not remember what i did this afternoon.
I lie in bed and stare at the wall for an hour – five minutes – and try to think back to when my skin became loose, an unfitted sheet through which feeling is only a ghost.
It comes in flashes in my days, as a car past a vaguely familiar spot of scenery, a sudden recognition: I Am Not As Real As Most.
I stare at a friend’s face for confirmation, a falter, but perhaps i am odder than i realise
Because this oddity - new for me - goes unnoticed. I unnotice. Clarity escapes me. Thought hurts. Will i ever create again? Have I lost myself? Who am I?

A clattering of Jackdaws blushes and blooms from moment to moment on a sky like
silver, bleached by light from
flashing oaks, clouds still running–
chasing? Escaping to nowhere
upon a wind that carries death like
bellowing stag,
It excites me,
It excites the birds.

My mind is a fog that
Drags purple by my eyes,
Weighs limbs like an ash tree, yellow with blight,
Confines my body, sludge-thick, soupy, indoors,
Aches distantly, a blurred screen between me and tangibility,
Forgets joy, forgets excitement, forgets to eat, forgets so much, forgets me–
But still,
But still,
I know how to make my sister laugh,
And still,
And still,
That is almost enough.

It goes like this:
A shred of skin down the side of a slender, bone-white finger, sliding from flesh like a fingernail drawn along soap.
And then this:
Slice of metal, scratch of claw. Proof of life, proof of humanity. Proof of savagery.
And then this:
Do not take that bite. You do not deserve it. Do not say those things. Do not presume you are worth their sympathy, their laughter.
You are not even worth the time it takes to mock you.
And then, eventually, this:
A hand on your cheek, a head on your lap. Slender, bone-white fingers, scarred by the nails and knuckles, carding their way through someone’s hair.
A sliver of sunshine. A smile.
The voices quiet. You are worth this.